Moving Forward

Three months have passed since the last time I hit "publish" on one of my intellectually typed posts. Many times throughout each week, I tell myself that I want to start writing more blog posts. Yet, when the time presents itself for me to write said blog posts, I am nowhere to be found but scrolling through the dark alleys of Pinterest, staring at staged photos of coffee, or refreshing Taylor Swift's Instagram page, entertaining myself with the amount of new likes she gets each second.

You see, I am a severely lazy individual who suffers from extreme procrastination. That is why all of my photographic blog posts consist almost exclusively of "I did stuff today. Here are my shots." And also why, although I personally feel that in the year and a half this website has existed, that I've posted enough written blog posts to wrap around the world, I have more accurately published seven.

Now, this may come as no concern for you. You may know me or you may not, I don't really keep track of who reads my blog. But for me, this is a serious let down and a problem I've been having for years and have only recently really come to realize: I am a much more creative and productive person in my mind.

Let me explain. Over the past few months, I've been job searching. And by job searching, I mean nervously and horrifyingly walking into coffee shops to apply for part time. What a joke. (Me, not the coffee shops.) One perk of having worked for my family business since the bright age of fourteen, is that I've never had to wonder if I was qualified for a job. So while dipping my toes into the real world, I learned that having a resume and a portfolio is a smart decision when you apply somewhere, (if you want to get a job other than working the register at McDonald's.) And having a resume and a portfolio means that you have to have experience and personal work to show for it. Those are things that I do not have a lot of.

I am a much more creative and productive person in my head. I think I am so great and have accomplished so many amazing, artistic tasks, and while I have certainly created many wonderful things in my limited years of calling myself an "artist," I am not anywhere near where I want to be creatively. It sucks to say that. But honestly, if I really think about it, it's not as bad of a place to be as I might think. Not being where I want to be means that I have many opportunities to grow and expand my mind in the realm of creativity. That's something to be excited about.

But working towards that goal of "successful, creative artist" or whatever, sounds like a lot of work, and I have a really hard time staying focussed, even if it's something that I'm passionate about. For years, I struggled with school work and staying diligent. As a homeschooler, it was even more difficult because self discipline is not something I posses in large quantities (or any quantities.) But my trade off was worth it. I was able to express my creative side (which is a majority of my sides) and not be limited to sitting in a classroom all day long. (I could talk for a while about homeschooling, but I'll spare you all of the juicy secrets for now.)

All that to say, I'd say I'm very thankful for the way my life has played out until this point.

Do I wish I would have spent these past two years after graduating high school in more productive ways than at work or laying on my bedroom floor scrolling through the oh, so "aesthetically pleasing" Instagram profile of a 31 year old mother of two in Phoenix, Arizona? Absolutely. Do I regret doing those things? Eh, sort of.

I strongly believe that each part (or chapter, if you will) of my life, whether it be prosperous or impossibly frustrating, is going to serve a greater purpose in the grand scheme of things. Each of the "valleys" that i've experienced throughout my early teenage years has grown me immensely and really shaped who I am today. I'm learning to be thankful when I'm in the middle of those tough times.

So even now, in my valley of confusion, discouragement and feeling like I'll never create something amazing, I can hope for the best, because I know the best is on it's way.

Till next time,